Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
