Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Randomize
