I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
