tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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