All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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