He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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