I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
