my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
