with your own penis?
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
