I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
