he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
