'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
