the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Randomize
