Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Enjoy the penises
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