His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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