DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
