youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
