is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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