the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
