Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
