last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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