The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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