just come out here and I will go home with you...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
