I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
and she was petting her beer can
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
