I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
