Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
