I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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