I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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