a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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