New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
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