Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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