I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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