what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
