i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
