He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I can't turn off my feet"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
