Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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