i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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