its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
