He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
