I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
