we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
