I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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