Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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