I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
North Korea, Best Korea!
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
