I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
