Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
