put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
