i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
