Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
