We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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