hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
be right there i have to get my cape
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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