Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
